Pondering

Sometime between 1992 and 2002

I am not beautiful
Unlike others that you will see
All I am is simple
Plain is me.

Picture perfect I will not be
For no matter where I begin,
The fact is thus,
I will NEVER be thin.

It is hard to like myself
When everywhere you turn
For the model on television
Is what most men yearn.

How can one compete
In such a hypocritical world
Where no matter what is done
They always want the "fantasy" girl?

The one that is gorgeous
And OH so thin
Mainly what men want
Is the "perfect ten"

Do they look inside
See what is in the heart
I do believe
That is where things must start

I do not stand out in a crowd
Usually the one feeling bored
Because of the "model" in the room
I am totally ignored.

I have lost many "loves"
To this type of gal
Especially to the ones
Who called themselves "my pal"

I gave up hope
Destined to be forever alone
Until one day
The sun definitely shown

One man discovered
What I hide deep inside
The best part is
He asked me to be his bride

Accepted I did
With a smile on my face
For I knew I was going
To a much better place

But at times I still wonder
Would he have chosen me
If he had not taken a chance
To get to know me intellectually?

I have a secret desire
Burning deep within
To know if I am found attractive
By others beside him?

I thought I knew
That this was actually true
But I was conned
Which is nothing new.

So, to this day
I am still unaware
If I am as desirable
As the beautiful and the fair.